Well, well, well., another week begins. I don't really know where last week went to - after an ear and sinus infection put me in bed for a few days and then seemingly catching a vomit bug I find I am still catching up with sleep, work and what I missed at College - and 'Oh' - how I hate to miss classes . . . So, today, saw my first day back at College and my first evening back to my casual work. A PhD and working for minimum pay - I could cry if I wasn't so busy laughing at the irony. Still, it keeps me busy and in touch with mankind . . . better than sitting at home twiddling my thumbs in front of the TV. About the TV . . .
. . . During my tea break I streamed a programme on TV which was looking at Western Bengal and the most venomous snakes, 3000 Monocle Cobras, living with humans because they rid the village of rodents. When the snakes die the villagers take its body to the Ganges so it can continue it's spiritual journey. That is all I had time for but how fascinating. Imagine . . . sharing your bed with a venomous Cobra . . . urrr . . . NOT! My dog and cat are about the limit, keeping my feet warm.
Anyway, back to the blog: in precisely 3 weeks time I will be officially unemployed, for the first time in my life since leaving school at 15 years old when I got my first job in a grocery store working for two pounds an hour. Quite true. I have mixed emotions and thoughts about it - if it wasn't for money worries the emotions and thoughts might be a little less ping-pong like. It isn't from lack of applying for jobs either. 36 rejections and counting... leaving me somewhat tired and 'blue'. Yet, another new experience. It has left me wondering what the point of paying for an education was.
Someone recently told me that they only really started to take study seriously so that one day they could prove to their biological father they weren't as useless and worthless as he always told them they were and how he thought they were. It was simply a means to prove they were worth something after fighting all their life for acceptance from him, but alas it never came. In their later years it became painfully obvious it never would, so they gave up, wished him well and tucked the qualifications under their 'I achieved something' belt rather than allowing him to gloat over the 'I did something right' statements he made when finding out they had done something rather useful with their time on earth, instead of boozing, fighting and rambling from one unsteady job to another as he had, in his wisdom, done. I never quite understood how this persons father could make the "i did something right" statements with him trying to take credit for what they did on their own, paid for on their own and struggled to support them-self, working and studying to achieve something with no support. It made me smile considering this person never once showed any interest in his kids life unless tearing it down, criticising or ordering them around like his personal slaves, let alone help with any homework - nope., not once: not ever. Teaching Practice made me realise that actually, this is quite common. It is a painful reality in many lower social economic areas and it breaks my heart. Achievements of these students are their achievements, for them, not for anyone else - so., if nothing more I found I had great sympathy with many students and I wish I could do something worthwhile to make a difference.
When I heard some of the kids on Teaching Practice relate their home experiences and sense of low self-esteem whether verbalised, acted out or otherwise, I wanted to go the extra mile to tell them they are worth something, they are someone, they are valuable human beings, but it is kinda over-stepping the mark a little, but I could see how education could do that - instill value. We can seek all our lives to be loved by those that should love us and never find that. Like the student on TP1 who was left home all weekend alone and drank herself silly so she pulled the knife out in class on Monday morning. She was all bolchy and bad mouthed but at the foundation of her issues was the mere need to be loved as a child should be loved, to be cared for, to be valued and to have parents that don't leave her home all weekend alone. Her needs are for boundaries that show her someone cares. I hope that eventually she will come to value herself and not give up on her own education whether academic, artistic or otherwise. I hope all students from homes that do not value education find value in education for themselves. Surely, I can make a difference. Surely, if I found a job teaching I could make a difference, but I wonder if I'll ever get the chance. I spend a lot of time wondering what the point of all this was if I don't get the opportunity to at least try and make a difference. Maybe I should take the job permanently in the UK -
Someone recently told me that they only really started to take study seriously so that one day they could prove to their biological father they weren't as useless and worthless as he always told them they were and how he thought they were. It was simply a means to prove they were worth something after fighting all their life for acceptance from him, but alas it never came. In their later years it became painfully obvious it never would, so they gave up, wished him well and tucked the qualifications under their 'I achieved something' belt rather than allowing him to gloat over the 'I did something right' statements he made when finding out they had done something rather useful with their time on earth, instead of boozing, fighting and rambling from one unsteady job to another as he had, in his wisdom, done. I never quite understood how this persons father could make the "i did something right" statements with him trying to take credit for what they did on their own, paid for on their own and struggled to support them-self, working and studying to achieve something with no support. It made me smile considering this person never once showed any interest in his kids life unless tearing it down, criticising or ordering them around like his personal slaves, let alone help with any homework - nope., not once: not ever. Teaching Practice made me realise that actually, this is quite common. It is a painful reality in many lower social economic areas and it breaks my heart. Achievements of these students are their achievements, for them, not for anyone else - so., if nothing more I found I had great sympathy with many students and I wish I could do something worthwhile to make a difference.
When I heard some of the kids on Teaching Practice relate their home experiences and sense of low self-esteem whether verbalised, acted out or otherwise, I wanted to go the extra mile to tell them they are worth something, they are someone, they are valuable human beings, but it is kinda over-stepping the mark a little, but I could see how education could do that - instill value. We can seek all our lives to be loved by those that should love us and never find that. Like the student on TP1 who was left home all weekend alone and drank herself silly so she pulled the knife out in class on Monday morning. She was all bolchy and bad mouthed but at the foundation of her issues was the mere need to be loved as a child should be loved, to be cared for, to be valued and to have parents that don't leave her home all weekend alone. Her needs are for boundaries that show her someone cares. I hope that eventually she will come to value herself and not give up on her own education whether academic, artistic or otherwise. I hope all students from homes that do not value education find value in education for themselves. Surely, I can make a difference. Surely, if I found a job teaching I could make a difference, but I wonder if I'll ever get the chance. I spend a lot of time wondering what the point of all this was if I don't get the opportunity to at least try and make a difference. Maybe I should take the job permanently in the UK -
It seems I have a difficult choice to make soon. To accept unemployment or go to the SE of England and work as a teacher there, where I actually have an offer, or stay here and see how things unfold. If I thought my other half could get a job in the UK I wouldn't hesitate to move but with racism the way it is, unemployment raging through Europe and the majority stereotyping Muslims it might be wise to stay put for now. Then, we have another issue that is coming together which means if we stay put in a little while we will have something that we have been planning and working towards for no less than a very long and exasperating 14 years. How privileged to have options.
In the meantime, I am looking forward to working on an Education Studies essay with a colleague that I just printed the readings off for this evening whilst at work: talk about multi-tasking . . . and then there is a Chemistry practical to think about. So far I am thinking acid-base neutralisation experiments. I'll start the handout tomorrow I think and start practicing the demonstration when there is free time in class. I wonder if I will get the illusive A+ final grade I've been hanging out for all year . . . I'm ever hopeful.
That's it.
Better go and be useful now.
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