Bullying - the silent treatment

While researching the bullying prevention section of my lesson plan, I found this useful information about 'silent treatment'. Interesting reading . . . Some will find this article very informative indeed. Enjoy.

Cooling Off And Ostracizing Are Two Very Different Things

Do not confuse the silent treatment with something known as “the cooling off period”. The cooling off period is where one person need time to calm down before they begin to speak to this person. That’s normal and should be allowed in a relationship. But purposely ignoring and refusing to hear or talk to a person is wrong, intentional, manipulative, and demonstrates extreme calculation and cruelty on how to hurt another person, or even drive them crazy.

The Silent Treatment - A Form of Abuse

Just about the worst form of abuse is the Silent Treatment. Which is someone who is in the same room as you are, but who is acting like you don't exist. They don't speak to you, they do not answer your questions or make comments on your statements, they completely ignore you and act as if you are invisible. And it works because nothing makes us madder than someone who we KNOW hears us, sees us, and knows without a shadow of a doubt that we exist, act as if we are not even there! We feel a "rage" rising from somewhere deep inside of us when we are ignored.I believe the silent treatment is the worst form of emotional abuse. It is, in all reality, a punishment because it makes you feel like a non--person, who is not valued or cared about, and they make you feel as if you are completely out of their thoughts. It is really all about CONTROL because the abuser really DOES KNOW that you are speaking to him or her, they do know that you exist, and that you are THERE. It is emotionally abusive instead of physically abusive and even worse because there are no scars that can be seen by an outside observer.I have seen colleagues give the "silent treatment" to others when their boss is not in the room, completely ignoring them, and then when their boss walks back in the room, all of a sudden they will start talking to the person as if nothing happened, being very friendly, as if just five seconds ago they had not been giving them the silent treatment. And then when the victim tries to tell their boss what REALLY happened while they were out of the room, meaning they were completely ignored by the team member, their boss does not believe them. This is just one example of how the silent treatment can work.

Silent treatment is a form of torture. People who abuse others by using the silent treatment have learned that it works, so they use it over and over again. It makes the victim more frustrated than any other form of abuse and it allows the abuser to avoid any confrontations, any uncomfortable questions or subjects that they don't want to talk about, and it gives them a way to get out of any accountability.

The silent treatment is a method the abuser uses to 'kill' you for something you have done. In a sense, you have been psychologically "murdered " by them, but your physical life goes on. Excuses that the abuser uses to justify their silent treatment of you include:

- I needed to have some space

- I just needed some time alone to think I didn't want to fight

- I am not interested in what 'they' have to say (demeans your feelings and denies her abuse)

Of course these excuses are just one more way for the abusers to blame somebody or something else for his abuse.

What is really going on though is the more they ignore you, the more you want to fix it. And that is what they get such satisfaction out of which is watching you squirm and "jump through hoops" to try to get them to pay attention to you and to communicate with you. It is a real EGO BOOST for them and they actually get a RUSH from the entire experience. It also puts them in control and gives them tons of attention, from you.

Really nice normal truly good people do not give the silent treatment to others. They listen, they communicate, they respond back and they engage and participate in the conversation. Even if they disagree they still will treat you with respect. They will not take away your right to speak and express how you feel and manipulate their actions to alter onlookers perceptions.

The silent treatment is never about you, but it acts to deny another human being rights that the abuser takes for herself.

There is a saying that the worst thing you can do to someone is not hate them but to be "totally indifferent" to them. If you hate them at least you care enough to hate them. But when you are indifferent to them you really DO NOT CARE at all.Abuse is Abuse. And abuse is never ok. In one way though, the silent treatment is far worse than other forms of abuse, because it indirectly says to you that you are not a person, you are an object, you are invisible because they choose to make you so because you are not worthy of their time. THAT is one of the most hurtful and abusive things to do to another human being. It is a horrible feeling, being ignored and denied affection.Usually the silent treatment occurs when you do something that the abuser does not like or approve of in their book. Or when you dare to disagree with them or actually point out something wrong that they did. And then Whamo, you get punished by them not speaking to you for days, or sleeping elsewhere, or choosing to not even be in the same physical area that you are in. They make you feel as if you are a leper.

And it is all calculated to drive you crazy. How does one reason with someone who is so immature you think they are a child? Or so selfish that they would treat you like this while at the same time saying that they do a good job? - obviously they have a lot to hide.

The truth is you can't reason or gain any ground with someone who acts like this. It is a "no win " situation and you can waste your entire life trying to make it work.

They have no real morals, self respect, dignity or integrity. Do not let them take yours. Make a stand - act and don't give up until you have your rights upheld - to be respected and treated as an equal with free speech and expression.