Looking forward

Today was a sleep day! 

I've had a think and a thought or two between naps! 

My first thought was this - In general, no matter where one works there is always going to be someone who doesn't like you or takes exception for some mundane, unjustified reason. I guess its about weighing everything up, not that one should have to, but working out whether the happiness outweighs all else, when this happens and deciding if to walk or if to battle through it.

The fact that on my very first day at a new job as a brand new teacher someone wanted to off-load their worries and concerns on to me could be taken as flattery rather than offense, even though those worries were personally focused towards me. Now, I am going to call the things said to me 'worries', because I am at a loss of what else to call them and I think, that in reality, the person who said them has genuine concerns around what he said. On a professional level, possibly not appropriate to dump them on a new staff member on their very first day and during subsequent weeks, but moving on lets have a look . . .

Lets work through a bit of logic then - 

Worry number 1: that management have an agenda to hire only people "like me" and people like me., ie with a PhD, "do not make good teachers". I guess this is actually two worries but lets look at them together.

Alright, lets look at this. Not only has this so called 'fact' been de-bunked because contrary to what he told many of the existing staff, thus inciting fear and anxiety unnecessarily, not everyone hired this year has a PhD. In fact, yes, that would be actual fact, I was the only one. So, if management do have an agenda to hire people only with higher degrees they didn't do a very good job of it with a total of 1 out of 8 new staff members having one and the one hired not even thinking to mention it! 

Lets look at the PhD factor next - That having one doesn't result in a good teacher. Well, having a PhD does not necessarily result in a good teacher - I agree - but nor does having a Diploma in Teaching and Learning as we see often in the news. How many teachers have been struck off for inappropriate conduct... I think I make my point so we'll leave this one here.

Worry number 2: a fear of being overlooked for a promotion in favour of someone with a higher qualification.

This all stems from this having actually happened and although very sad, I cannot believe that these frustrations are appropriately off-loaded onto a new member of staff during the first few days of starting employment. I would have appreciated a chance to show I could actually be a threat before being deemed as one . . . (joking, kinda...but honestly)!!!

Worry number 3: Actually, this made me feel a bit sad. He stated that he had been treated badly by management, but surely if that is someones experience one would not want that for someone else - right? 

I feel a bit bad because obviously this person has been hurt in the past and the historical pains have not had time to heal or been acknoweldged by management. Whether this is true or not is not the point. The point for me is this . . .

I had no idea or intention to be the focus of someones pain and just by being me and having achieved what I have achieved, for me, not for anyone else. I had no idea that just being me would cause anxiety due to representing everything that has previously resulted in resentment, disappointment and hurt. It was rather a surprise that before I could even say a sentence or introduce myself someone had already stereotyped, boxed, judged and juried me!!!!

Other issues came to light over the passing weeks but again, even though directed at me, at the foundation of it all are an individuals insecurities and past resentments that it seems he was unable to off-load on to someone more appropriate. So, after getting a little frustrated and anxious myself and being the butt of  several more remarks and incorrect statements I thought of resigning.

On reflection - I feel like a bit of an idiot now! I have a perfectly good job where I can do good and serve. Even with all this going on, isn't the very thing that we should be concentrating on being overlooked . . . YES . . . it is . . . and that is the worst thing about all this debarkle - that the students who we are all supposedly here for, and are the ones who deserve and should have our attention have been hi-jacked by this ongoing saga.

So, not quite convinced yet, that I shouldn't resign - I cannot see the situation getting any better any time soon, but if I don't leave I think a strategic move might be to hide away and emerge only when I really need to - at least in this way my attention will not be taken away from the job at hand - taking care of our students,. Also, doing this will remove me from the firing line and any future unnecessary drama.

I'm not sure what to do yet. What I do know, is I love teaching. That's it. I don't really know what to do to be honest. I don't want to be the reason someone else is so angry and upset. Thats not my purpose in life. Hmmmmm.....