Parents lack of emotional responsiveness causes harm

Parents lack of emotional responsiveness causes harm not only at the time it occurs but for a victims entire life. Often these children come to school and because there are no physical signs there is thought to be no issue. Educate yourselves so you can help others, help the next generation . . .

how many parents do you know who deny emotional responsiveness in these ways:

- failing to provide care in a sensitive and responsive manner; being detached and uninvolved; interacting only when necessary; ignoring a person's mental health needs. Examples: ignoring a child's attempt to interact; failing to show affection, caring and / or love for a child; treating a senior who lives in an institution as though she / he is an object or "a job to be done."

- Emotional abuse accompanies other forms of abuse, but also may occur on its own;

- No abuse - neglect, physical, sexual or financial - can occur without psychological consequences. Therefore all abuse contains elements of emotional abuse;

- Emotional abuse follows a pattern; it is repeated and sustained. If left unchecked, abuse does not get better over time. It only gets worse;

- Like other forms of violence in relationships, those who hold the least power and resources in society, for example, women and children, are most often emotionally abused;

- Emotional abuse can severely damage a person's sense of self-worth and perception;

- In children, emotional abuse can impair psychological development, including: intelligence, memory, recognition, perception, attention, imagination and moral development; and

- Emotional abuse can also affect a child's social development and may result in an impaired ability to perceive, feel, understand and express emotions.

- You understand their feelings, but they never attempt to understand yours;

- They dismiss your difficulties or issues as unimportant or an overreaction while theirs take precedence;

- They do not listen to you, but force you to listen to them at times you cannot easily remove yourself;

- They always put their needs before yours;

- They expect you to perform tasks that you do not want to do or find unpleasant or humiliating but treat it as if it is their right to ask;

- You "walk on eggshells" in an effort not to upset them. The way you talk, type, breath, walk, cook, everything irritates them;

- They ignore logic and prefer amateur theatrics in order to remain the centre of attention;

- They manipulate you into feeling guilty for things that have nothing to do with you but were often instigated by themselves;

- They attempt to destroy any outside support you receive by belittling the people/ services/practices in your life;

- They never take responsibility for hurting others, but rather blame everyone else, because of course, they are perfect;

- They blame everyone and everything else, including you, for any unfortunate events in their lives;

- They perceive themselves as martyrs or victims and constantly expect preferential treatment.

- They are often incapable of taking a parental role, rather fueling inadequecy, isolation and worthlessness on their children; including abuse via 'silent treatment' or 'blame' or for simply being born.

Many victims of emotional abuse end up with an attitude of self loathing and commit suicide. You cannot always see emotional or verbal abuse but it is deeply and significantly harmful for the whole life of the victim. 

The tools of an abuser:

rejecting

- refusing to acknowledge a person's presence, value or worth; communicating to a person that she or he is useless or inferior; devaluing her/his thoughts and feelings. Example: repeatedly treating a child differently from siblings in a way that suggests resentment, rejection or dislike for the child.

degrading

- insulting, ridiculing, name calling, imitating and infantilizing; behaviour which diminishes the identity, dignity and self-worth of the person. Examples: yelling, swearing, publicly humiliating or labelling a person as stupid; mimicking a person's disability; treating a senior as if she or he cannot make decisions.

terrorizing

- inducing terror or extreme fear in a person; coercing by intimidation; placing or threatening to place a person in an unfit or dangerous environment. Examples: forcing a child to watch violent acts, including movies, and violence toward other family members or pets; threatening to leave, physically hurt or kill a person, pets or people she / he cares about; threatening to destroy a person's possessions.

isolating

- physical confinement; restricting normal contact with others; limiting freedom within a person's own environment. Examples: excluding a senior from participating in decisions about her or his own life; locking a child in a closet or room alone; refusing a female partner or senior access to her or his own money and financial affairs; withholding contact with grandparents.

corrupting/exploiting

- socializing a person into accepting ideas or behaviour which oppose legal standards; using a person for advantage or profit; training a child to serve the interests of the abuser and not of the child.